"There are poems
inside of you
that paper can’t
handle."

Y.Z (via realizes)

(Source: rustyvoices, via itsjustimhomelessthanidliketobe)

Felt on top of the world today

Felt on top of the world today

my fingers are stained
by tea bags
and by you
i’m not sure
which burned more

i am unsure of whether i see
skeletons or warm bodies
(no these are not mad thoughts)
whether i see through you
transparent and fragile like glass
or whether you reflect myself
a mirror’s false illusion
of my inner terrors
mocking demons telling me
that i’m not alone
only to shatter under my touch
revealing my own darkness
emptiness
i was fooled
and i am alone

it’s 4 in the morning
and i can’t breathe
and all the doors are
locked
i would take a walk but
you know what they say
about little girls
and dark streets
lived here my whole life
and i’m scared to so much as get the mail
at least once the sun has set
funny how my little brother isn’t
how he has nothing to fear
how if he can’t breathe he can go
while i’m trapped
by more than just four walls
and a panic attack

i have missed myself
since i have been
too busy to call
or write
too crowded to chat
or listen
to everything to anything
i have left myself alone
and let myself down
because i no longer know
who am i?
confused and in the dark
i am learning to let myself shine
so i may see myself

i wish there was a reason
beyond i don’t know
behind i can’t
i wish i could hold out my hands
and show you failed chemicals
stuttered words and self-hatred
anything past empty words
look into empty eyes
trust my empty lies

to-write-watercolors » cognitive-autonomy

the body wages wars
on countries and hearts
wearing down its body
until withered remains
flake beneath the ground
one by one
we all fall victim
the downfall of man
will be thought